I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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