do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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