Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
