It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
