I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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