He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
