Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
