I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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