The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
