i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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