How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
