just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
