Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
