i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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