When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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