wrigley field is MILF paradise
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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