We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
