I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
