The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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