I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sext me about skeletons
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
