you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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