yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
