uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i will never coherently bang her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
