Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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