i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
