reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
