Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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