I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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