it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
