i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we're chasing vodka with high fives
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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