When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
