Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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