her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
