there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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