her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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