oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
