Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina is officially offended.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
