if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
