They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
