I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
