I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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