you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
