they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
