Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
