the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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