Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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