Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
