That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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