New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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