Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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