I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
