Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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