i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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