Im at strip club and am horny
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
