i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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