Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
