If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
