I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
