If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
